feelings

I know that I am not the only one who has the same or similar problems as I do, or have the same feelings, worries, or thoughts that I do. Then why do I feel so alone? Am I the only one who assumes way too much, who overreacts, manipulates and lies to get their way? Am I the only one who sometimes can’t stand themselves for the things they think and/or do to themselves and/or others. How is it that I can be so extremely selfish one minute and so caring and selfless the next. All I want is to feel normal, to not feel like I’m some kind of outcast. I want to have the same kind of lifestyle as my peers. I want to be back in school studying, doing homework, and making good grades. I want to be able to drive, and go where I want when I want. I want to be completely independent, and not ever need anyone (human of course, I’ll always need God) for anything. Sometimes I feel like a terrible person, and others I feel great about myself. I am sincerely worried about my abilities to pursue my dreams of being a special education teacher because of my severe impatience. I feel as if I would be more patient with these special children, but am worried that I wouldn’t. There are many different things that I am good at, but either they’re talents that are unrealistic to pursue a career in such as singing and acting, or they are things I don’t enjoy enough to see myself having a career with them like writing. Above all I wish I could have more patience with in my life, and how quickly I obtain my goals. I also need to learn how to be okay alone. Whenever I am alone I get depressed, sad, and bored. Most of the time I feel as if I need to be entertained 24/7, but there are other times I just don’t feel like moving or doing anything, and I have to literally force myself or do something somewhat drastic to do something or get something done. Anyways, I just felt like getting all this off my chest and into words. So there it is.

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